Time Flies By When You're Cancer Free

It's hard to believe that the summer is almost over. I have had such a wonderful past few weeks...playing golf with friends like Meg and Vishal, going to nice dinners with good friends and family, and attending the annual Goodman summer get-away in Wildwood, New Jersey. I've included a picture of Dave and I with our nephews both last year and this year. We've all grown so much over the past year...them physically and and Dave and I emotionally.

For the past 6 years, my mother and father have taken my nephews to the Jersey Shore for one week in August. It has become an annual tradition that Aunt Jen and Uncle Dave come to visit every time for the last few days. The weather is always beautiful and we always have such a wonderful time playing football and building castles in the sand, and going on rides on the boardwalk at night. This summer was no different, except that I found myself so grateful for begin able to make the trip. You see, I have been especially aware of the passage of time over the past few weeks since it was precisely at this time last year that I started my chemotherapy sessions.

The first of my chemotherapy sessions began August 15th of last year, about 10 days before my parents were set to take my nephews to Wildwood Crest. At the time, there was a lot of debate about whether my family should "leave me" for a week to take Ben and Shaun on their vacation. Not only did I insist that they go on their annual vacation, but I pledged, that with my Dr.'s permssion, that I would be visiting, as Dave and I always did, for the final weekend. I remember waiting anxiously every day after my first chemo session to see how I felt that day...I was determined to feel good enough to go...and I did. However, I remember very vividly that I was constantly out of breath (a sign that my blood cell counts were dropping); that my mouth was getting sore (another sign that my counts were dropping), and that I was beginning to see the first signs of hair loss. Nevertheless, it was a wonderful weekend.

It was very surreal for me to be in Wildwood again this year. I couldn't believe that a year had gone by, and how much I, and my entire family, have learned in the past year. I used to be too busy to appreciate many moments...I spent a lot of my life rushing from one activity to the next without reflecting in how great it was just to be able to "experience". When my nephews, Dave and I went on the boardwalk or played in the sand, I couldn't help but be so happy and grateful for the ability to be there.

Wow, last year, we had no idea what the next year would hold. We had no idea if I would be well enough to join the family at the beach next year or if I would even be alive to join the family. I found myself smiling the entire time during those few days...and I'm sure that I will find myself doing that over the next 6 months...as I "compare" last year to this year.

It is remarkable how time can fly by so quickly...but also how much you can learn in such a short amount of time. I find myself waking up every day now thinking "what was happening to me last year at this time?" I am thrilled that the hospital visits, the shots, the side effects etc. are behind me...and I am also thrilled that the experience has taught me so many valuable life lessons...when you live in the moment, it is very easy to be completely happy.

The Wig is Off (Kind Of!)

Hello! Dave and I are really enjoying the summer. The past few weekends have been wonderful...visiting the beach, playing golf and attending a Mark and Andria's beautiful wedding in Portland, Oregon. My personal highlight of the wedding weekend was playing in the golf tournament and winning the prize for longest drive (it doesn't hurt that the women's tees provided a huge advantage and I was the only woman playing in the tournament!). It was wonderful to see so many of our friends from business school. This past weekend was also meaningful to me because it marked my "coming out" party sans the wig. I had been psyching myself up for a long time, but since I really am not that pleased with how I like, it has been very hard for me to go without it. Slowly but surely I have been going to social functions without it but I still wear my wig to work. I guess it is a type of security blanket for me. To be honest, I am very disappointed with the realization that I am so vain. I really wish that I could take it off and still feel beautiful but it is absolutely amazing how I can go from feeling "pretty" with the wig to "fat and ugly" without it. I wish I was more evolved but I am getting there. I have a few friends in the haircare industry who tell me that for over 90% of women, there is a direct corellation between how they feel about their hair and their self-esteem. I guess I was secretly hoping that I was in the "unaffected" 10% but alas, this is not the case.
In other VERY EXCITING news, I had my 2nd CT scan last week and I am 6 months cancer-free! The Dr's are very happy with the results and my parents are especially happy because have now passed the "mark" when I recurred after my last surgery (for those who remember, my cancer came back about 6 months after my first surgery). Yippee!! Lots of wonderful things are happening in our lives so I will be sure to write soon...our annual NJ shore weekend with my nephews, the unveiling of Cancer Chicks (dont' worry, I will explain), and a fantastic, memorable reunion with my college girlfriends.

Only The Good Die Young

I uncovered some heartbreaking news about a month ago…. Eden Dodd, a very important person in my life, had been killed in a car accident. She, along with her mother, was killed in an auto/train accident in Bucharest, Romania in May 2004. Although she passed away over 2 years ago, I just recently found out via a Google search so to me, my pain is quite fresh.

I last saw and spoke with Eden in August 1997 before I headed to Boston for business school. It may seem odd that someone with whom I had lost touch with for nearly 9 years would be considered such an important person in my life…but she was exactly that. She profoundly impacted my outlook on life and I have missed her terribly for the past 9 years and will continue to miss her for the rest of my life.

I met Eden in 1993 through the Everybody Wins Foundation, a mentoring program that matches elementary school students with corporate volunteers who work in the neighborhood. Although the program was intended to be just a weekly hour-long reading session, 8-year old Eden and I immediately hit it off and became very close. In addition to acting as her tutor, Eden also became the sister I never had. We would often go to movies and museums together and she would often sleep over at my apartment when her single mother had other obligations.

Eden could light up a room with her smile. She was a gorgeous girl but her outer beauty paled in comparison to her huge heart. To say she was creative was an understatement. Eden loved to dance, sing and act…. I remember falling off my chair sometimes with laughter as I witnessed her imitating everyone from her teacher to her fellow students to famous celebrities.

Eden would always speak her mind. I remember we were once shopping for clothes for her Ken doll at FAO Schwarz and she lectured the salesperson about "gender stereotyping" According to the assortment FAO Schwarz carried, Ken could only be a veterinarian or a baseball player. She looked at the sales assistant in the eye and said "What's wrong with the world when I can't just get Ken a pair of khakis?"

Upon visiting an amusement park and entering a haunted house, Eden promptly told the pale, dressed in all-white mad scientist that he would "benefit greatly from adding pastels to his wardrobe". When she came to work with me for "Take Your Daughter to Work Day", I found her, at the end of the day, sitting at my desk typing a resignation letter to her elementary school. She had decided to retire from 3rd grade and become an advertising executive. Yes, being with Eden was always an adventure.

Over time, Eden's academics improved along with her self-esteem. I helped her enroll in creative writing courses and in dance classes and she truly excelled. She began writing a "novel" and some of my most rewarding moments to date were watching her perform in dance recitals.

We had every intention of staying close when I moved to Boston for business school. Unfortunately, her mother decided rather impulsively to move to Romania with a boyfriend and she did not leave a forwarding address. I spent YEARS trying to find Eden but in vain. Her mother and she had a different last name and trying to find an 11 year old in Romania is a challenge, to say the least. I last looked for Eden in the summer of 2003 when I was finalizing Dave's and my wedding list. I SO wanted Eden to be a bridesmaid and see me marry the many of my dreams (believe me, she ALWAYS had comments about the old boyfriends I dated). I knew that she would love Dave.

Although I could never find her, what gave me solace was the fact that her personality was too big to go unnoticed by this world. I knew one day I would find her on the big screen, or on the cover of Time Magazine. I always knew we would have our reunion.

About a month ago, I had a very vivid dream about her and decided to search again. I was devastated to find out, via Google, that Eden and her mother had been killed. What has been so heartbreaking for me is that I feel like I have now lost Eden twice; 9 years ago when she moved to Romania, and last month when I found out about her untimely death.

Fortunately, I have gotten some closure by reaching out to her grandparents and her school headmaster in Romania. They have been kind enough to share stories and send writing samples to me that demonstrate that Eden's creativity and spirit only got greater as she got older.

I realize that the opportunity to change someone's life for the better is incredibly rewarding and I am so grateful that I was able to do so for Eden. She once told me that "you taught me what it means to have a big heart" – I was so flattered I was speechless. I never worked so hard for someone and it was worth every single minute. I just wish that I had more time with her.

Eden, I love you and miss you. Thank you for contributing so much to my life.