June 26th –Vain yet Honest

Cancer has made me confront many things...my fears, my insecurities, my perserverance and my strength. I find that throughout this experience, I am pretty happy with how I am dealing with it. However, I am learning certain things about myself that I really don’t like. For one, I am very vain.

I remember when I was first diagnosed 2.5 years ago, I told my Doctor, “OK, the drugs you put me on can make me fat OR bald but not both!” Sure enough, my first round of chemo, I lost a lot of weight and had great wigs so I embraced being bald. This time around I was warned that the chemo drugs might make me swollen or bloated. I reminded Dr. Maki “fat or bald…not both!” Well, slowly but surely, the drugs started to do their thing…and I noticed that my shoes were tight and my clothes were snug. I was so upset!

When I visited the Dr. last week for my treatment he looked down at my ankles and couldn’t find them! I was so swollen that he decided to change my regimen for the week and give me medicine that would reduce all of the water retention that has gradually been building up in my body. I assumed that the weight I had gained was real…but excitingly enough, every day my body is shrinking back to its original form. My jeans fit again!

My husband, being the voice of reason in our relationship, reminded me that in the grand scheme of things gaining some weight is not a big deal if it means the tumors are disappearing. He asked me “if I had to choose 2 out of 3, what would I choose….being bald, gaining weight or having tumors”. I have to admit that my answer was “bald and tumors…provided the treatments are working!” As I said, I am learning things about myself that I don’t’ like. So, accept me for who I am….vain, but honest!

This past weekend Dave and I had a wonderful time volunteering at the New Alternatives for Children (NAC) Summer Olympics with our friends Susan and John. Susan and I are on the board of NAC and it is a wonderful non-profit agency that places medically fragile children in loving homes. The weather was beautiful and Dave and John led the soccer camp. It was wonderful to see so many NAC children of different ages, different sizes and different medical conditions bonding together.

It reminded me how lucky I am to be alive and to be able to contribute.

June 10th - Celebrating Life Beyond Cancer

Survivorship has been a movement that has gained great momentum over the past few years. The Lance Armstrong Foundation donated over $1million to MSKCC two years ago to kick-start efforts to start examining “survivors” – how they adapt back to life – physically and emotionally. Just the fact that survivorship is now something to focus on shows how far cancer research has progressed. It used to be that most people died of cancer so there was no reason to spend resources thinking about life beyond cancer. Thanks to advances in medicine, this is no longer the case. More and more energy is being put towards understanding how to “track” the health and well-being of survivors 5, 10, 20+ years beyond cancer. What side effects or health issues tend to linger? What are the psychological side effects that cancer introduces to a patient over time? The hope is that this effort will allow oncologists to not only treat a diagnosis but also treat a patient over their lifetime.

Last year, I was asked to be part of the survivorship committee at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. The MSKCC survivorship committee, comprised of cancer survivors that MSKCC has treated, was asked to develop a day that celebrated survivorship. Today, we got to see the fruits of our labors. A day that was beyond inspiring! Today, I proudly took part in Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's Inaugural Rock & Run on the River, an all-day event that celebrated the 11 million survivors of cancer nationwide.

The festivities included a 5K walk/run along the Hudson River in lower Manhattan followed by food, music, activities, and much more. Over 1000 cancer survivors and their “supporters” showed up in full force to make the world take notice.

I was so proud to be associated with this event and to be surrounded by so many stories of inspiration. No matter the age of the person, the type of cancer he/she had, or the number of years since the person had been treated, we all found something in common over which to celebrate – the fact that we are ALIVE!

The Hebrew word "Dayenu" means approximately, "it would have been enough for us" or "it would have sufficed.” The song, sung during Passover, is about being grateful to God for all of the gifts he gave the Jewish people, such as taking them out of slavery, giving them the Torah and Shabat, and had God only given one of those gifts, it would have still been enough. I thought of this word a lot this week. The MSKCC event would have been enough of a highlight to last for a few weeks but Dave and I were fortunate enough to experience two amazing things this week.

Dave plays in a basketball league at the Reebok Club and one of his friends, Mike, was turning 40. His wife decided to throw him a surprise birthday and she rented the basketball court at Madison Square Garden! It was amazing. Dave and his buddies got to dribble down the same court as Patrick Ewing, Bernard King, Walt Frazier and Willis Reed. Sorry Dave, I know you’re turning 35 this coming year but I don’t think I can top that one!

I continue to feel really great. The spinning studio has been my friend and I have gotten lots of workouts in. Besides having some mouth sores and stomach aches, I can’t complain.

Have a great week everyone!