Giving Surgery a Good Name

I am happy to report that I am getting better each day. I have sworn off the Vicodin and am now getting by on tons of Tylenol and sleep. The appetite is starting to come back and I have been doing a ton of walking which has gotten easier every day. What is so nice about recovery this time is that it is taking place during the summer! My last two surgeries were in December and January so I had no choice but to stay indoors. Now, I can get out a bit more. I have had a really great time "rediscovering" the city through my walks. I have been seeing lots of friends by making dates to walk in Central Park or to "escort" my friends to their jobs in midtown. If anyone is looking for a walking companion, just call me up!

I have been so, so touched by all of the wonderful "get well" messages I have received! Dave and I are constantly reminded of just how wonderful our friends and family are. My hospital room was filled with non-stop flower deliveries and visits from my aunts, cousins, distant cousins, both sets of parents and TONS of friends.

My friend Robin became my "surgical stylist" and bought me loose dresses that would fit easily over my distended and sore belly. Luckily, the baby doll "maternity" look is in so I can be both practical and fashionable.

My neighbors Erica and Nick placed a huge "star" pinata outside of my door along with a "We Hate Tumors" sign to welcome the "superstar" patient home from the hospital.

When I got home, I received pajamas, massages, candles, balloons, FLOWERS,books, movies, food - you name it! Amazing. It is so nice to be loved!

The great news is that the pathology report came back and it looks like the chemotherapy has been doing a great job. One of the tumors is completely dead and the other is "mostly dead". We are going to keep with chemo for a while longer to maximize the chances that it doesn't come back but we are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Chemo will begin on August 10th and will continue 2 out of every 3 Fridays for the next 6-12 months.

That's all for now. Dave bought me this great lounge chair cushionn so that I can sit comfortably onn our roof deck and I love it! Lots of R&R for my last week at home.


Dave and I have the wedding of our great friends Vishal and Kelly this weekend. So, assuming I feel great, we will be heading up to Newport for the weekend. We are so excited to share this special day with them!

I will be sure to write more after the weekend! Thanks again for checking in on me.

There's No Place Like Home!

It is Monday and it is so good to be home! I spent more time in the hospital than I had planned (6 days) and was very anxious to get back to my own bed. I am still very, very sore and my stomach is very distended (I tried to smile when someone wished me "good luck" with my pregnancy today!) but I feel progress every day. After a week or two recuperating at home, I should be as good as new!

Although it stinks to be in the hospital, all in all, it was a really good experience. The surgery was very successful according to my Dr's (we will find out more next week) and I was beyond lucky to get a huge, private room during my 6 night stay. I had visits from tons of family and friends, received a few wonderful foot massages, and met some really inspiring patients as I conducted my daily walk around the floor (after stomach surgery, Dr's make you get up and start walking as quickly as 12-18 hours after surgery...even if "walk" really means hobble as it did in my case). At least I make the 45 minute mile look good :)

I am not on any kind of specific diet but eating has not been easy. After a few bites, I tend to feel pretty sick or full. Hopefully in another week or so, I will have a normal appetite. I guess losing a few pounds could be the silver lining on this otherwise very painful, "unfun" experience.

But now I am home...catching up on emails, good books and good movies. I'd love visitors or calls so please reach out if you are around. Here are a few pictures to give you a "sense" of my hospital experience....I will write more when it is comfortable to sit in one place for more than a few minutes at a time!

July 17th - Update

Posted 5:00PM by David Linn

Hi Friends and Family!

Our star patient is recovering very well from surgery. Jen is in some pain and is very tired, but overall she is doing great. She's been resting most of the day, but she did get up for 2 slow walks today with her IV.

Some of you asked about visitors. Yes, Jen is up for visitors although we all need to make sure she is getting enough rest. She is open to visitors this week at the hospital, but she is particulary interested in visitors next week when she'll likely be at home with a bit more energy and mobility.

You can reach me by email or cell phone, or you may be able to reach Jen on her cell phone. Those are better options than the room phone since it doesn't have caller ID, making it tough for me to screen your calls :)

Seriously, feel free to call either of us at any point, but I'll try to keep adding updates to this site.

- Dave

July 16th - We Need to Stop Meeting Like This

10:30PM Posted by David Linn

Today was another stressful, but happy day in our fight against cancer.

This morning, Jen blasted a bunch of Rocky music to get in the right frame of mind. There’s nothing like “Eye of the Tiger” to start the day off right! Then, as we walked out of our apartment, Jen saw that our neighbors had posted an inspirational sign on their door that said, “WE HATE TUMORS TOO!” Jen was now definitely ready for her surgery. Thanks, Nick and Erica. The sign was perfect.

As some of you know, the surgery is not an easy thing to go through. Jen wasn’t able to eat for almost 48 hours, and she had to wait at the hospital for about 6 hours before she was brought into the operating room.

However, I’m very happy to report that the surgery went well. The doctors removed the two tumors in her abdomen area. They did not see any other areas of concern.

Jen is very tired and in quite a bit of pain, but she is doing great. She may be up for visitors tomorrow, I'm not sure. She is at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, 1275 York Ave, Room 1501A. As always, call first since rest and recovery are very important right now.

This was Jen's 3rd major surgery. Her first words after she comes out of surgery still a bit drugged-up are always very memorable. The funniest I think was after her first surgery when she said to her father, “Dad, it’s a good thing I got him to marry me when I did because now I’m damaged goods.” Today was pretty funny too. She looked up at me and said, “We need to stop meeting like this.”

Yes, we definitely do. As Jen mentioned in previous posts, there is still a long, long road ahead. However, today was definitely a good day. I know Jen is looking forward to hearing from all of you as she recovers over the next several weeks. Thanks for all your love and support!

- Dave

July 15th - Three Times A Charm

Dave and I found out this past Thursday that I will be having my third surgery this coming Monday, July 16th. The surgery was always expected but I thought it would be later on (around September). The good news is that the chemo is working really well and the reason for the surgery being pushed up is because my surgeon is thinking that if we wait much longer, the tumors will be completely gone and he won't be able to see and "study" anything.

I told my team of Doctors that I wanted to do the most aggressive thing possible...and that is surgery.

So, overall good news but the short notice was totally unexpected! I rushed back to the office Thursday afternoon to make the most of the 1 day I had to get things set. I will likely be out of work for at least 3 weeks. My Dr's are confident that this surgery will be fairly straightforward (like the last one). I will most likely be at MSKCC for 5-7 days and then home recuperating for a few weeks.

Dave and I went out to dinner last night to celebrate the "last supper" (since they will have to remove some of my colon/digestive tract, I won't be able to eat much for a while). As opposed to a lavish meal, I opted for a big salad and LOTS OF frozen yogurt...two things that will be too harsh on my system to be eaten for a long time. The Dr's. put you on a low fat, low fiber diet for a few weeks until they are certain your system is working well.

As always, I try to find the good in things. I came up with a list of things that make the surgery tolerable for me and also provide some laughs:

• I'll lose a few pounds - surgery is like a mandatory diet. Sometimes it's actually easier to have your stomach shut down for a week or so than to make yourself eat carrots and exercise

• I'll be able to get a foot massage - I remember when I went through chemo, they had nurses visiting you to provide music therapy and reflexology. Once I am feeling better, I will absolutely take advantage of the "Spa" services

• I'll brush up on my pop culture knowledge - I have already designated the bedroom TIVO to be "my TIVO" during recuperation. I have programmed all the reality TV one can possibly find. I also have stocked up on all of the trashy magazines so I will be able to have a thorough, well-researched discussion about whether Nicole Richie really is pregnant and other important news stories. It gives me comfort that I will be killing brain cells as well as cancer cells!

• I'll try to enjoy the nice weather - my last two surgeries took place in the dead of winter (December and January). At least this time, if I am feeling better, I can go for a walk or sit outside

• I can connect with friends and family - it is often hard to arrange time to see people. However, when you're in the hospital or recovering at home, you are not the one saying "that day doesn't work for me"

Now let's just hope "three times a charm" as opposed to "three strikes you're out!"

I welcome phone calls and visitors (just call me ahead of time to make sure I am doing OK). The best way to reach me in the hospital is to call me or Dave on our cell phones (I will most likely have a roommate and don't want to disturb them with the phone ringing all of the time).

Dave will also be a guest blogger while I am out of touch for the week and keep you posted on how I am doing.

Thanks for checking in with us!

July 7th - I am So Tired of Dealing with This!

The last few weeks I have been very sad. Although I try to put on a happy face most of the time, it would be unrealistic for me to be cheerful all of the time. Dave and I have made it our intention to not give in to cancer. We refuse to change our lives because of this horrible disease. We go to work, we socialize with friends and we get chemo once a week. It has just become part of our lives…something that we need to fit in to our busy schedules. Although we prioritize my health, the minute we begin to accommodate it too much, it means that the cancer has won…and we refuse to let that happen.

However, living our lives this way does not mean that there aren’t moments or days that we are very in touch with how much it SUCKS. How much I HATE the fact that every Friday afternoon I have to show up for chemo. How much I HATE that the drugs’ side effects have made me bald and bloated. How much I HATE that when other people are taking summer Fridays to play golf or go to the beach, I will often have a medical test I can’t miss. I don’t show my anger towards this disease too much but it is very real. And stopping my treatments is not an option.

The irony of this whole situation is that I am kicking cancer’s ass for the 2^nd time. My latest CT scan revealed that the tumors have dramatically decreased in size (in fact one isn’t even visible any more). Apparently I have again defied odds and responded in the top 5% of patients with this disease. I can’t help thinking that I SHOULD be happy about this. I SHOULD be celebrating that I’ve avoided death for a 2^nd time. I SHOULD be even more willing and ready to face the treatments ahead because the fear of how the tumors would respond this second time around is somewhat behind us. But this is not how I feel.

I realize that in the grand scheme, I am extremely lucky. Isn’t it great that the biggest thing I have to worry about is some minor side effects from the chemo? But, in my world, it is far from over. Perhaps we can stop worrying a bit but the Dr. told me that I face up to another year of chemotherapy to increase my odds of the cancer not returning. And because I will need so much more chemotherapy in the future, I need to get a mediport which is a medical device that is inserted near your collarbone so that it is easier to administer chemotherapy (after 10+ months of chemotherapy, most of my veins have hardened making the past few months of chemo very hard…on average, I am pricked 3 times before the nurses can find a good vein). This device makes chemo easier but it is cosmetically unattractive (looks like a bump under your skin) and makes you realize what you are dealing with every time you look in the mirror.

So, while the news is “good”, I am more aware than ever of how much longer I will have to actively deal with this. And some days, I just don’t want to anymore.

This is where all of you can help me. I feel like I have not done a very good job this time around communicating what I need. When I relapsed in February, I wanted very much to believe that the 2^nd time around would be easier than the first. With a new job and an increased understanding of the disease, Dave and I wouldn’t even really notice that we had to deal with it. But I am quickly learning that the 2^nd time around is not easier at all. In fact, the novelty has worn off and it is much harder. Physically, I am feeling fine. Emotionally, I need more support.

I’d like to think that people have not been reaching out as much this time around because they have been respectful of my feelings. They don’t want to say the wrong thing or make more out of the situation than Dave and I originally communicated. Well, the truth is, the situation is bigger and harder than I had imagined.

I miss the letters, the phone calls, the emails, the care packages. I miss the constant messages of support and admiration that made me realize that even though this sucked, I had a ton of people “going through it with me”.

I also think that it is human nature to get “numb” to something if it lingers for a long time. The novelty of my having cancer has worn off on everyone to an extent….Dave and me, our families and our friends. It is often easier for people to assume “she’s OK…she’s been living with it for a few years now” than to accept that every single day is a challenge. It’s easier sometimes not to check in because that makes someone accept and realize that the discomfort or fear they have checking in is something that Dave and I have to live with every day.

After my first bout of cancer, people asked me “what was the hardest part?” and I say, without hesitation, the first six months after I was told I was “cancer-free”. Most people don’t understand this…”Weren’t you happy and relieved? Shouldn’t that be when you were happiest?” Although it is much easier to believe that, the truth is I still felt very raw from the experience and still felt like I was living with the disease…but most people had moved on. It was easier to think “Well, Jen’s good now” then to truly accept that my odds were 50/50 of the cancer coming back and that it was far from over. It was easier to try and “forget” because having to engage in the truth is very painful. And most of us don’t have the energy to deal with this for more than a little while, forget about many years.

Well, the truth is I wish I had the privilege of “forgetting” for a little while but I can’t. The fight is far from over and because the battle lives within my body, I don’t have the option to sit on the sidelines for a little while. I wish I could…it would be much easier that way.