Living with Uncertainty - The New Normal

I had a long day at the doctor's on Friday and I will start with the good news...

Good news is that the surgery was very successful and as of today I am technically "cancer free".  The surgeons believe they were able to remove all of the cancerous cells (that they can see) and they are happy with the progress.

Bad news is that there is no real clear "next step" (we have been in this position 3 times before so it is nothing new, just not easy to hear).  We spent hours discussing the pros and cons of more chemo. Basically, more chemo will prolong the cancer from returning but it won't prevent if from coming back if there are any cancerous cells in my body that they can't see.  Given that I have been through so much chemo (and my body has really been beaten down by it over the past 2 years) we have decided to stop treatment (for the time being if not hopefully forever) and just monitor me very closely.  I will get CT scans every 2-3 months and we will hope that this time is different than the last 3 times and the cancer won't return.  

It is very hard for me to hear the docs say "it couldn't have gone better" and "we're not sure what's right to do next" in the same sentence.  So, I am choosing to live my life as if the cancer is gone for good. I am calling this time around "The Final 4" and assuming it won't come back.  The docs won't let me exercise for 6-8 weeks (it kills me) but as soon as I can, I am re-committing myself to the gym and to a healthy lifestyle (I am visiting with Doug's nutritionist in a few weeks when I can start eating normally again).

The Docs don’t want me headed back to work until I am completely healed so it will likely be a few more weeks. Every time I have surgery, it gets a bit harder on the system so the recover is longer.  In the meantime, I am setting up appointments to get a complete physical and to meet with a nutritionist to make sure I have a baseline understanding of my health before I am "set free”.

I am healing a bit more each day. Now the big issue is my digestive system.  It has become very heard to eat anything without getting sick.  This is common and has happened in the past but it is not fun!