Enjoying dinner with both sets of parents at our apartment

 Hello everyone. I am home and so happy about it! I left the hospital yesterday (Saturday) around 11:00AM and have really enjoyed getting used to the comforts of home (a shower…the first in 5 days, a bed that doesn’t move every 15 minutes, a menu more extensive than crackers and jell-o).

Overall, I had an excellent stay in the hospital…much, much better than expected. As Dave said, the surgery was not nearly as invasive as the Dr’s had believed it would be (they don’t know until they really look inside). The incision they had to make was not quite as large as the last one (so I am able to move a bit more easily), and since I was only under general anesthesia for about an hour, I was able to get back to being “myself” a lot more quickly. I kept on saying to Dave in the recovery room, “I am trying to think of something really funny to say but I am thinking too clearly to come up with anything!” (For those of you who may remember, I will never live down the fact that last time I was in post-surgery I said to my dad “Thank God I got Dave to marry me when I did because now I am damaged goods!”).

I was SO, SO LUCKY in that I once again, got my own private room. It made a huge difference in helping me sleep better during the night and being able to host lots of wonderful visitors who came to see me and make the time go more quickly. Although I was not able to eat for about the first 4 days, I made the time pass by doing laps around the hallway (14 = a mile). The first day it took me a while to just get around once but by Saturday morning I was a speed demon pushing all of the other surgical patients out of my way (think Roller Derby). I took full advantage of the services at Spa Memorial and received two great foot massages and enjoyed having a bit of music therapy with Martha (my mom, sister-in-law Emily and I got to sing Brown-Eyed Girl, Que Sera Sera and Rocky Mountain High). It was very apparent at times during the week that my room was definitely having the most fun on the surgical floor.

I got permission to leave on Saturday which was great. Dave and I packed up and I waved goodbye to the floor and to the wonderful staff of nurses (who I hope I never have to see again under these circumstances). Dave and I walked about 6 blocks home from the bus stop which felt really good and now I am enjoying resting at home and having Dave’s parents visit from Chicago. I think Dave is a bit horrified by my TIVO selection for the next week (Melrose Place and Beverly Hills 90210 re-runs, Law & Order SVU, The Bachelor, and America’s Next Top Model). I am hoping that in addition to killing cancer cells, I will also kill a few brain cells while I recuperate.

Dave and I got a “special sign” on our way home which makes us more convinced than ever that the cancer is really gone. There is a deli a few blocks away from us that I have always jokingly said “gave me” cancer. (I ate there and got a horrendous stomachache right before I was diagnosed). Anyway, Dave and I never have walked into that deli again and I always curse it as I walk by (completely irrational I know, but fun nevertheless). When Dave and I were coming home from the hospital, we saw that there were chains on the door of the deli and the deli had been permanently shuttered and shut down. It must be a sign…

I will be visiting Dr. Singer and Dr. Maki within two week to (1) have my incision checked (2) review my pathology report and (3) continue to get shots until my blood counts return to normal – hopefully within the month (once that happens, I am taking invitations from those friends who want to take me for a manicure and sushi dinner!).

So, that’s it for now. I will be home for at least a week recovering so please call, email and visit.

Check Out The Photos Here

Jen had surgery yesterday and is doing very well. The quick update is that the doctors are pleased with the surgery, and Jen is in the hospital recovering for the next few days.

Jen is tired and in some pain so she asked me to fill in as the guest editor today, but overall she is doing great. She’ll be in the hospital until this Friday or Saturday, and then she’ll be home recovering and getting her strength back over the next couple of weeks. Phone calls and visitors are welcome.

Here are some more details on the surgery for those who want to know more of the specifics. Overall, we think it went well. Dr. Singer was expecting to operate for 2-3 hours, but he only needed about 45 minutes to remove the remnant mass from the tumor in Jen’s abdomen area. Unlike the last surgery, they did not need to remove any of her colon or any other organs. He sent tissue samples off to the lab for analysis so we’ll know more about the results in about two weeks. However, for now we are celebrating that Jen has successfully taken another step on this journey!

A special thanks goes out to our friends MaryBeth Laughton and her husband Brad Rodrigues! This past Monday, Jen was a bit down and was not looking forward to her second major surgery after six rounds of chemo. She was also taking a series of medications to get ready for the surgery so it was not a very fun day. However, a package from MaryBeth and Brad arrived to brighten the day. MaryBeth is working on the new Nike line of clothing inspired by Lance Armstrong. She sent Jen some great stuff, including a LiveStrong hat signed by Lance! Jen wore the hat to the hospital, and it helped put her in a good frame of mind for the surgery. Thanks, MaryBeth and Brad!

That’s all for now. I’ll try to post another update in the next couple days.
- Dave

The Magic Button - Jen pressing her button for more pain medication a few hours after surgery.

Getting Stronger - Jen starting to feel better on the morning after surgery.

I had a good CT scan last week and my oncologist and surgeon agreed that I was ready for sugery, as expected. My blood counts were good enough that my oncologist said that I could have surgery as soon as my surgeon was able to fit me in. We all assumed that would be in about 2-3 weeks. Well, when we met with my surgeon on Thursday, his schedule was so booked, that I had a choice to have surgery this Tuesday the 17th or not again for 3-4 weeks. I decide to get it done with sooner rather than later. Right after I made that decision, I realized that this meant I had one day of work to prepare for being out for about 3 weeks. So, I've spent the last 48 hours running around like crazy so that I can go into surgery feeling like everyhing is being taken care of.

Having completed all of my work-related tasks, it is now slowly sinking in that in just 48 hours I will be having my 2nd major surgery in 12 months. The good news is that the surgery will be very similar to my last one so I know what to expect. Although the surgeon's main focus this time will be removing the remnants of what remains of the dead tumor (versus finding a living tumor and removing organs with it), he still expects to remove parts of my intestine and colon and shift lots of my abdominal muscles so, it won't be an easy ride. I should expect to be in the hospital from 4-7 days and then recuperating at home for about 10 days to two weeks.

It is very hard to get motivated for surgery this time. Last December, I was feeling so sick (fevers, night sweats etc.) that I was willing to do anything to uncover what was causing my pain. I also had never had surgery before so I was a bit naive and curious. Now, I am feeling GREAT and annoyed that I have to go through this again. I find myself much more keenly aware of what I will be missing: I won't be able to really exercise for 3-4 weeks, won't be able to lift weights for 6 weeks and will be on a no-fiber, carb/protein-only diet for the first few weeks post-surgery (most people would love this diet but I hate it!). Today, as I took my last spin class for a while (my instructor dedicated the class to me which was very nice), I was bummed out. I know that the minute I wake up from surgery on Tuesday evening, I will accept the condition I am in and do whatever is needed to recuperate quickly. But, until I am in the position, I am grudgingly accepting what is to come.

Dave and I have been doing a pretty good job of trying to take our minds off of it. Johnny Castle and his fiance Rosie took us to the Knicks game on Friday night (courtside seats, I was so sad I forgot my camera!) and we had a great brunch with good friends yesterday. We've also been indulging in all of the foods I know I won't be able to have over the next few weeks. How funny that I am gorging on fruit and raw vegetables since I will miss them dearly!

Since I will most likely be out of commission for most of my hospital stay, I will have Dave provide updates when I am in the hospital.

Enjoying a NY brunch with the Spielmans and Rippergers before surgery

I've spent much of the past week getting used to the fact that hopefully I will never have another round/cycle of chemotherapy again. Although I still am experiencing and will experience the same symptoms for the next month (sore throats, fatigue, occasional bouts of nausea) the doctors believe that in as little as 2-3 months, my blood counts will have completely recovered and I will feel completely normal again. Unfortunately, hair takes about 3-6 months after chemotherapy is completed before it begins to grow back, but that is the only side effect that won't bounce back within 3 months. There are some cases where cancer patients continue to feel fatigued long after chemotherapy ends but I am betting that that will not be my case (I took a 90 minute spin class today...so there!) The truth is, I have felt pretty much like me over the past 5 months but my Dr's tell me that I have probably gotten used to a "lesser" form of me and that I will be pleasantly surprised when I bounce back. I do get tired a lot more easily, and my nails/skin are cracked and dry so, I am looking forward to "the new and improved me".

Although I am very glad to be done with chemotherapy, there are some things that I will really miss about it. Most everything that is written out there about chemotherapy is about how terrible it is (physically draining, emotionally challenging etc.) So, rather than list the 100+ reasons why I agree that chemotherapy is not an option I would choose voluntarily opt for, I thought it would be fun to list 13 great things about chemotherapy that I will definitely miss (in no particular order).

13 Great Things about Chemotherapy

13. Multiple visits from attractive single, male Dr’s. in the hospital (unfortunately all they want to know is if you’ve gone to the bathroom or not)
12. You can never own too many fashion accessories…all of the designer bandanas, scarves and du-rags sold at Barney’s show that there has never been a better time to go through chemotherapy
11. Staying in touch with friends and family has never been easier...everyone is calling to check in on you
10. Extra money in your pocket, and extra space in your cramped NYC apartment by eliminating hair salons and hair products from your list
9. Painful waxing sessions are a thing of the past...I am as smooth as a baby without the assistance of any spa technician
8. Head rubs feel great...it's amazing how much better they feel when your hair is not in the way
7. More time on the weekends because you can't get manicures or pedicures
6. Steroids give you an excuse to eat anything, anytime...and you don't gain weight
5. Unlimited access to drugs that boost your blood counts like Epogen (good thing there’s no drug testing in my spin class!)
4. An extra 20 minutes of sleep in the AM...no need to blow-dry!
3. You experience absolutely no guilt taking long, luxurious naps on the weekends...
2. Fear of cuts and scrapes = no visits to the dentist
1. A built-in excuse not to do anything you don't want to... I am going through chemo after all!
I have my 3rd CT scan this Tuesday and I meet with my surgeon, Dr. Singer on Thursday. I should know after that meeting when I will be having surgery (something I am definitely not looking forward to). I will keep everyone posted. Have a great week!

Some of the angels in my life...my weekly women's group

Having fun with Kat, Rob and Jen at the Duke Game

Enjoying the annual holiday dinner with my study group

 

Having a great brunch with Kelly and Robyn

My immediate, gut reaction to this email was "oh my god, I am just like my mother!" The quote that my mom had sent me, described her perfectly. I didn't have the stereotypical, negative reaction that most women have when they realize that they are becoming or have become their mother...rather, it was a real feeling of pride and happiness. Wow, I am honored that my mom thinks that I have these qualities because these are the qualities that I have always admired so much in her.

If I think back over the past year (and throughout my ENTIRE life), when it comes to raising me and taking care of me, my mom has lived "whatever it takes, I will do it. Where I need to go, count on me to be there. I will make things happen". From creating Halloween costumes to taking notes at ever doctor's appointment, from helping develop topics for college essays to sitting with me in the hospital through every chemo treatment to-date, my mom has been old reliable...the one person I knew I could count on no matter what.

Throughout the years, people have always told my mom and me that we look alike. I always laughed it off because I could never see the resemblance. But now I am realizing that it is the "internal resemblance" that we share, of which I am most proud. It is my mom who taught me these traits by truly living them day in and day out. I am proud to be my mother's daughter! I love you mom and I hope that when I have children that I can do for them even half of what you've done for me. I am blessed.

Today is day 9 of my 5th cycle and I am feeling pretty good. The sore throats are acting up but that is to be expected over the next few days as I counts drop to their lowest of the month. I need to rest up tonight because tomorrow I am going to see Duke play Texas at the Meadowlands. Go Blue Devils!

I don't expect many people to understand this, but for me, I am extremely grateful for my cancer. Don't get me wrong, I am not thankful for having gotten cancer, but if I was able to "meet" my cancer, I would say "thank you"...for truly showing me how special life is and for understanding the importance and beauty in every day. When you have cancer, most people tip-toe around you and talk behind your back about how unlucky you are. The truth is that I truly, deeply feel that I am the lucky one. I have been given this amazing opportunity to have a new perspective on life. I see more beauty and love and truth in a single day now, than I ever did when I was "healthy". Living through cancer has created an acute awareness of how special life is and how much I can accomplish in every single day.

As many of you know, I find Lance Armstrong to be a true inspiration. The way he insisted on "living" through his disease and not missing out on life just because he was going through a tough time, are approaches that I have chosen to live by. I'd love to take credit for these words, but Lance expresses how I feel best: "The truth is that cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know why I got this illness but it did wonders for me, and I wouldn't want to walk away from it. Why would I want to change, even for a day, the most important and shaping event in my life?"

So, on this Thanksgiving weekend, I'd like to say "thank you" to a disease that has:
· Taught me how to be stronger than I ever imagined I could be
· Encouraged me to know myself and my body more intimately than I ever have
· Demonstrated to me that believing in myself is the most important cure out there
· Educated me that it's not "a race to the finish" and that every day matters and should be cherished
· Proven to me that a positive attitude and a "fight like hell" demeanor are the only way I know how to live

My friends Dave and Max took me to a special premiere-screening of Rent this past week. It was fantastic and I loved it! There was a particular song that I found so representative of how cancer has helped mold my outlook on life. It was as if I had written this song after having been diagnosed. It talks about the fact that you can't waste your life asking why things happen to you...you just have to go on living and being thankful for all that life offers.

There is no future, There is no past
Thank God this moment's not the last.
There's only us, There's only this
Forget regret...or life is yours to miss.
No other road, No other way
No day but today.

Back in the hospital tomorrow for Cycle #5....

Today is day "12" of my cycle and I think I have made it over the hump. The past 4 days my diet consisted of hot tea/milk and ice-cream because I had such a sore throat. This is a very common symptom for chemo patients when they are "bottoming out". Apparently there is a lot of cell activity in the throat region as old cells die and new ones are created. Hence, many people get bad sore throats and sore gums. The good news is that although it was annoying, it didn't slow me down. I still went to work, went to the gym etc. I slept a lot this past weekend and I believe I am on my way "up".

This week is a big week as I have my 2nd CT scan and a meeting with my surgeon to review the scan. I should find out by the end of this week if the next step is more chemotherapy or surgery and then potentially more chemo. It's funny for me to think back over the last 11 months and realize how comfortable I have become with all of the types of "prodding" I have had to deal with. In January 2005 when I had just had my surgery and was recovering, I was terrified of chemotherapy. I kept saying "I can handle the surgery, please don't make me go through chemotherapy". Now, after having a relatively easy time with chemotherapy over the last 3 months, I am dreading the surgery. I recovered from the surgery very quickly (2-3 weeks) but it is still a pretty invasive procedure. I don't look forward to the first few days of pain as my stomach heals. I asked the surgeon why he felt that we had to have surgery given that the tumor is dying and it is so small. His response was that (1) it's not good to have a foreign object inside of you and (2) if there are even a few cancer calls that are alive, it could be dangerous down the road. So, I bought into that but I wish they didn't have to open me up...apparently laparoscopic surgery is not recommended on cancer patients because there is a risk of spreading cancer cells when the needle is removed from the skin. So, surgery here I come!

I will be sure to keep everyone posted on what the Dr's decide.

I wanted to take this moment to talk about "Making a Difference". A lot of people have flattered me over the past year telling me that my attitude and my spirit are making a difference in the way that they approach their lives. I am really honored and happy to hear that. But now, it is time for me to thank all of those people who have donated to the MSKCC sarcoma fund my parent's began...you are the ones that are really making a difference.

I know that often when I make donations, I question where the money is really going. Am I making a nice, token gesture or are the funds truly helping to make a difference? I am happy to say that Dr. Maki and his research team have been able to employ the funds that we have raised to buy equipment and continue with studies that will ideally find a cure for sarcoma in the near future. Since sarcome recurrs multiple times in 80% of patients, this work will directly benefit ME down the line. Here is what the money you have donated is doing (a lot of this is medical speak but you can see that things are really happening):

The generosity of my friends and family has allowed Dr. Maki to purchase two microscopes. One is a new inverted microscope for tissue culture with a long working distance objective lens. The second is a light microscope. These items are of great use for the lab members. Dr. Maki has also been able to purchase multiple gene chips to analyze sarcoma samples.

Dr. Maki and his team are working to further determine what makes Malignant Fibrous Histiocytoma sarcomas different from all other 50 types of sarcoma, and are doing this in concert with the laboratory of Dr. Carlos Cordon-Cardo, Director of the Division of Molecular Pathology. This group is examining "oligonucleotide arrays," also known as Gene Chips, to determine how these tumors differ in 10,000 to 30,000 different genes per tumor.

Dr. Maki also works closely with a postdoctoral fellow, named Igor Matushansky. Dr. Matushansky is working in the laboratory to generate models of sarcomas, as though developing a recipe to make sarcomas from scratch He will take what are pretty close to "stem cells" and add a gene of one type here, another there, to attempt to generate sarcomas. They have an incomplete understanding of which DNA genes are needed to generate sarcomas, and are using the known data to try and find the right combination. This type of sarcoma model will give them excellent tools to study new treatments for sarcomas. So thank you to everyone that is helping make a difference!

Friends that I don't know or have lost touch with
This experience has made me reconnect with people that I have not spoken to in years...and I love it! Just last week I received the MOST wonderful email from a sorority sister of mine that I must not have spoken to in about 10 years. I was so touched by her kind words and to hear what is going on in her life. It really made my day. This topic brings me to an important point. I have heard from so many people that they have passed along my website address to friends and colleagues and that these people have been inspired by my writing. I AM THRILLED TO HEAR THIS! What I would really, really love is for those of you who don't know me, or those of you who know me but we have not spoken in a while, to email me and say "hello". Life is too short to not exchange greetings and I must say that the greetings of long lost friends or "new" friends" are often the ones that make me happiest. Please reach out to me and say hello!

I'm feeling Good and Keeping My Fingers Crossed...have a great week and make a new friend!

This week has been a good one. I feel great and I got good news from the Dr. My bloodwork is in good shape so he is sending me back in for my 4th round of chemo next Monday-Wednesday. Odd that I would consider this good news but it means that I have not had any complications and that we are on schedule.

As I believe I have shared in my journal, the worst symptom that I have experience over the past 2-3 months has been severe night sweats. I hate the feeling of waking up drenched in sweat and it is very unsettling given that this symptom reminds me of when I was first diagnosed in December of last year (I went to the Dr. because I didn't understand why I was getting these night sweats). Well, I haven't had one in 3 weeks. I asked the Dr. about this and he said that he believes this is good news. It means that the tumor is dying and my body doesn't need to exert as much energy fighting it. We will know for sure when I get my 2nd CT scan in Mid-November but this was music to my ears!

I have started to compile a "can't wait list"; a list of things that I can't wait to do when the chemo/surgery etc. is done. Although I am living a pretty normal life, I am still restricted from some things that I really miss. For instance, I am not supposed to get manicures which I really miss. I am not allowed to eat raw fish which is very hard as I am a HUGE sushi fan. I also am not really supposed to drink alcohol. I have never been much of a drinker but it would be nice to have a glass of wine and really feel comfortable enjoying it. Also on my wish list is the ability to have a long, hard run that I feel great about. Right now, I jog on the treadmill but I am too nervous to give an all-out effort. I watch people running long and hard outside on a beautiful day and it makes me jealous. I also miss travel...I can't wait to get on a plane, go to an exotic island, sip a pina colada, run along the beach and put all of this behind me!

I am looking forward to my brother-in law and his wife (Missy and Eric) coming to visit this weekend. I will check in before I head into the hospital for lucky round #4.

My dad is one of the most wonderful people I know. Since I was a very little girl, my dad and I have always done special things together. In addition to the daily, informal special moments we shared, we had formal special times planned that we called "Daddy Daughter Days." Without fail, my dad would plan for these special days at least once or twice a year. Over the years, I have precious memories of gong to the Ice Capades, the Circus, the Nutcracker...seeing The King and I and Peter Pan on Broadway (and having Peter Pan fly right up to my seat in the balcony!). As I got older, these "days" would sometimes become more extensive...I remember going to DisneyWorld with Dad for a week when I was 13.

When I was in business school, it gave me such pleasure to finally be the one able to initiate a special "Daddy Daughter" event. Dad had always wanted to go to Alaska so I decided to take advantage of some time off before graduation and take him on a two week trip. It was a wonderful experience. Seeing Alaska and exploring the glaciers, watching the whales was great but what was really special was spending quality time with my father.

Being diagnosed with cancer has made me appreciate my dad even more. His unwavering support and guidance has been invaluable as Dave and I have had to make a lot of tough choices and decisions. What gives me the most comfort is that my dad is always there, and always willing to help in whatever way he can. Whether it means getting up at 5AM and driving with my mom to Dr's appointments in NYC, or bringing cases of Propel water to my apartment because I can't find it in New York and it is the only thing that doesn't make me feel sick my first week out of the hospital, my dad never says "no". He is always waiting at the bus stop when I come home to visit, and he is always willing to drive me back to NY, no matter the time of night.

It is unfortunate that I feel like I spent most of my life taking those who I love most for granted. This doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate and love my dad (and others) before I got cancer, but I never really took the time to express fully just what they mean to me. If there is one thing that I have learned through this ordeal, it is that words are a gift and that if you don't chose to communicate how you feel to others, you are missing out on a huge opportunity.

The last Daddy/Daughter day we had was a few nights before my wedding. Dad took me to a nice dinner and told me how happy and proud he was of my decision to marry David. He gave me fatherly advice and wished me the best, in a way thinking that now there was a new man in my life who would take priority. However, I will always put my relationsip with my dad near the top.
In honor of my Dad's birthday last week, I took him to a steakhouse to celebrate. It was a great meal, and a perfect time for me to tell him, once again, how much I love him and appreciate all that he has done for me through the past year and in my life. You can never say it too many times. I love you Dad!

Today is Sunday and I have had a really wonderful week. I was a bit worried about how I would feel these past few days given last month's infection but today is day 9 and I am feeling great! If I can make it through to day 12 without any major symptoms, I think I will be "in the clear" until after my next treatment.

I took a 100 minute spin class today and had energy to spare! I think that the illegal performance-enhancing drugs that the Dr's have put me on are finally kicking in (I was told it would take about 4-6 weeks for them to start working). I now understand why athletes pay top dollar for them on the black market...they are amazing! I now have to figure out how I can ask my Dr. to keep me on them after the cancer is cured...I could be Wonder Woman!

A highlight of the past few days was celebrating Yom Kippur with my family. My nephews, Ben and Shaun, decided that if Jen got to wear a wig, then they should too! So, we had a fun time dressing in grandma's wigs and taking pictures.

This weekend, in addition to seeing good friends who were visiting from Boston, I had a very special experience: I had lunch with a friend I had not seen in 18 years! Lana and I grew up together because our parents were good friends. We sat next to each other at every single-digit birthday party we had and were experienced acrobats on the jungle gym her parents had in her backyard. I knew she was a special friend when she didn't make fun of me (and didn't tell anyone) when I "wimped out" and had to be driven home at 10PM from what was supposed to be our first official slumber party. Lana and I went to different schools and as we got older, we didn't see each other as much. We went off to college (Lana on the west coast, myself in the south) and had not seen each other since (we kept in touch through our parents but our lives were never in the same city to get together). Well, we finally both live in NY and we decided to have lunch yesterday. What was truly amazing to me was how we were able to pick up right where we left off. All of the "details" of the past 18 years of our lives didn't really matter...they just painted the backdrop for a friendship that was meant to endure the test of time. It really struck me how, if both people have an intention to make a connection, you can jump right back into a special friendship. I am so happy to have "met" my friend again. It makes me think that every day is a new opportunity to reconnect or make a connection with someone.

Ben, Jen and Shaun wigging out!

Lana and I in 1976...

It is Wednesday and I am feeling great!  The steroids have kicked in and I am eating like a champ!  In the past few days, I (1) ate 6 meals in one day, (2) attended a wedding and ate two portions of filet mignon and wedding cake and (3) woke up at 4AM to eat a hamburger because I couldn’t sleep.  So funny!  I’m trying to figure out if I am more amazed by my appetite or that my pants actually still fit me!  It is hard to really “enjoy” these few days because you feel like the drugs are taking over your body…but, I’m sure when this is all over, I will reminisce about my “two cheeseburger” days and wish I could still have them.

The downside of steroids is that they make you jittery and restless so I have had a few sleepless nights…but if that is the worst of my symptoms to date, I am really happy!
 
I am constantly reminded of how many wonderful; friendships Dave and I have.  3 years ago, Dave, Rob, Alicia and I started what is now an annual tradition…attending the Wisconsin/Northwestern Football game.  In 2003 we went to Chicago to see the Wildcats win and last year we had a blast flying to Wisconsin to see the Badgers win at Camp Randall.  This year, my treatment made a trip to the game impossible.  
 
But when there’s a will, there’s a way!  Alicia and Rob came over on Saturday with their most precious little Badger fan, Matthew, and we had an indoor tailgate.  Dave supplied the burgers and brats and we had a great time watching Northwestern win in the final minutes (well, Alicia and Rob didn’t like that part). To add icing on the cake, our good friends Rob and T, who just moved to Miami, were in town and joined us as well.
 
It was a great weekend and reminded me that every day is a gift.  

I am glad to be home from my 3rd hospital stay. Although it was fairly similar to my other visits, I have decided that the novelty has worn off and I just don't like being cooped up in a bed for 72 hours attached to an IV pole. That being said, I will continue to do it for as long the doctors think I need to!

Unfortunately, my "frequent visitor" card didn't pay off this time and I wasn't able to get my penthouse digs. Instead, I was in a room with a very sick elderly woman who moaned most of the time. It was a bit unsettling and depressing. On the one hand, you feel horrible for this woman, and on the other hand, you are thinking about yourself and how lack of sleep is not going to help you maintain your strength. My roommate was moved after one night and my stay improved dramatically after that.

I had some really wonderful visitors this time. My friend Sylvia who moved to China 4 months ago was back in town and I was so happy to see her! It was a lot of fun hearing all of her funny "lost in translation" stories (and receiving one of her famous head rubs...not to be missed!)

Dave's Mom came in for a 24 hour visit which was wonderful. In addition to bringing hugs and kisses from everyone in Chicago, she brought wonderful chocolate brownies that Dave and my steroid-infested body really loved!

Sue brought me my biggest laugh of the 3 days...a signed, personalized picture of Arnold Scwharzenegger! It was such a great gift and brought a huge smile to my face.

On the 3rd day of my hospital stay, I was extremeley tired which scared me a bit. I hadn't been that tired during my other stays but I believe it is because they took a lot of blood from me this time (better to be safe than sorry, they were concerned that my heart rate was very low...turns out that I am just in pretty good shape). I got home on Friday night and slept for 12 hours...and now I am feeling much better!

Going to the gym, having a little shindig for the annual Northwestern/Wisconsin Football Game on Saturday during the day and planning on going to a wedding on Saturday night.

This Monday night marks the beginning of Rosh Hashonah, The Jewish New Year. It is the time when G-d opens his book and decides what the coming year will be like for every individual. It is also the time when you are supposed to make ammends with anyone you have wronged over the past year. It is a time when I am feeling very grateful.

You may think "How can Jen be feeling grateful? She has cancer, she is going through chemotherapy and she has to have invasive surgery over the next few months?" However, it is how I feel. Very grateful for all of the friends and family I have in my life, and very grateful to have learned so much, and be able to continue to learn from this experience every day.

The odd thing about chemotherapy is that I have a range of "experiences" in the few weeks between hospital stays. I have two weeks when I am constantly in touch with what I am "missing" and then two weeks, when I am so happy to "have it back".

The 1st week I tend to feel pretty good but I have strange food cravings and my taste buds are altered so foods don't always taste "normal" to me. I go to the gym dilligently but it is practically impossible to go on the bike or the stairmaster or the eliptical trainer on a very high level.

The 2nd week is when my blood counts are lowest so I tend to get a sore throat and only want comfort foods that are easy to eat (mashed potatoes, ice cream etc.) This last cycle, my gums were very sensitive and it felt like I had a toothache (normal, but odd since I had never experienced this).

The 3rd and 4th weeks I am gaining strength back every day. This is incredibly gratifying. I celebrated last week because for the first time in over 2 weeks I actually wanted to eat vegetables. The other day I marveled at the fact that I could eat an apple easily whereas when my gums were sore, an apple was the last thing I wanted! And this morning at the gym, I was able to take a 75 minute spin class with almost the same strength I had before I began chemotherapy.

I am grateful for things that most people take for granted! Last week Dave and I played golf with our good friends Brett and Vishal. It was a beautiful day and I couldn't help but smile the whole time. I never would have thought when I began chemotherapy that I would be able to play golf (much less whip Dave and Vishal's butts but that is another story :) Vishal, Brett and Dave took me to play golf the day before I began chemotherapy in August assuming that it was the end of my season...but no! 7 weeks later I was out on the golf course.

So, as the Jewish New Year begins, I can't help but be extremely aware of all of the little things I take for granted in life. I hope that in the coming year, I will remember both the big things and little things and live my life truly appreciating what I have been given.

Hospital stay #3 begins this coming Wednesday-Friday. I will update everyone when I get home.

It is a wonderful thing to feel really, really loved. I remember when Dave and I got married I told some friends that I now understand why some days are so special they only happen once in a lifetime. On that day, I was so in touch with how many people truly loved me and wanted the best for me.

My battle with cancer has brought similar feelings. Not a day goes by that I don't receive some wonderful, thoughtful gesture from a friend or an acquaintance that truly touches my heart and makes me feel special. I had such an experience last week and I was so amazed and touched by it that I want to share it with you.

If you remember, the weekend of September 17th was not a great one for me. I spent much of the weekend in urgent care at the hospital trying to deal with fevers and flu-like symptoms. I was so disappointed to miss both my cousin's wedding and my friend who was visiting from Colorado.

Well, it is truly amazing how things can turn in your favor so quickly...when people truly care, they will move mountains to make things work for you.

My cousin Marc and his fiance Manami decided that since I couldn't be at the wedding, they would bring the wedding to Dave and Me. So, after getting married on Saturday night, they arranged to visit me on Monday, arms heavy with wedding cake, party favors and loads of pictures. They also ordered me a copy of their wedding DVD so I can really feel like I was there. This gesture was truly amazing! With all the hubbub around the wedding, they made time to visit me and have me share in their experience. It was so thoughtful and I can't thank them enough.

My friend Karen also was able to rearrange her schedule so she visited me on Monday night before she flew back to Colorado. I was so happy to catch up with her and our friend Joy. Joy lives just down the street but it was an equally kind gesture for her to rearrange her schedule to visit with me.

Wow...I feel really loved!

I was very fortunate that the Dr's did not need to remove any reproductive organs during December's surgery. The Dr's did recommend that Dave and I consider freezing embryo's because we didn't know what the road ahead entailed...we just knew that if I needed to begin chemotherapy or have additional surgery, the risk of losing my fertility could increase dramatically. During chemotherapy your body goes through menopause and it remains to be seen if your body can reverse the menopause after the chemotherapy. Some times it takes years before your body works normally again.

So, Dave and I went through two rounds IVF in February and April and not a day goes by that I am not so grateful that we have some sort of insurance policy. We don't know at this stage if I will ever be able to conceive, or even carry a child, but we have embryo's that we can give to a surrogate if we need to. Just having this option makes it much easier for me to focus on getting rid of the cancer and not be sidetracked by my desire to be a mom one day. If and when it is meant to be, it will happen. The only thing I know is that when we are finally able to have a child, he/she will be SPOILED! We will have waited way too long to not give that child everything he/she wants :-)

I am feeling pretty good today. The last 36 hours were not ideal as I had a fair bit of nausea and was very tired. I realized that drinking water was making me nauseous so I wound up getting dehydrated which really drives your energy down. So, I forced myself to drink a lot of flavored water in the past 24 hours (thank goodness for Propel and Crystal Light) and I feel like I have overcome a "hump". Let's hope my energy keeps up....and let's hope that I feel comfortable eating something more adventurous than white rice and mashed potatoes!